The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
