I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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