It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
