Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
