I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
