I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
