speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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