I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
