i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
