i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
