Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
