If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
