Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
