I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She is in my trunk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
