He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
