I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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