Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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