people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
