their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
