ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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