I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
