it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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