P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
