so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
