i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
