dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
