Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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