you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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