No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
