dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
