I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
