susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
