Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How does it feel to date your dad?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
