How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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