nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
