he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
