peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
