..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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