Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm jealous of your bromance
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
