WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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