i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
