have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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