Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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