um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
