There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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