One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
