so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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