his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
