life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
