At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize