What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
