You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
