I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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