there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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