And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
