we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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