Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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