So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
