He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
