I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
