I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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