Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
