dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
